"Control and power...undiluted selfishness," He said as He turned toward me to stare straight into my soul. "It's the natural tendency for mankind and the driving force behind all that is evil and unfair. It is not my way to exert compulsion or strength upon my children to coerce them to obedience. And, sometimes the consequences of one's disobedient choices and actions are far reaching in the lives of innocent bystanders, destroying all that is safe and familiar and peaceful."
I sighed heavily as I thought about what He said. I was all too familiar with the destruction of all I knew to be safe and familiar and peaceful due to the choices of other people. And where was the justice?
Suddenly, huge choking sobs burst from my throat, as I suddenly realized not what, but who God had seen in the distance...the One who knew better than anyone about justice sat down beside me, and pulled me into a long tight hug:
I am
quickly sinking
Into a
deep black hole.
“Why is
it I must suffer,
When
another lacks control?”
My life
would be so different
If only
my sins mattered;
Instead
I’m being punished…
My
world’s completely shattered.
“Yes,
child, you are sinking,
But
it’s not your only choice.
Reach
for my hand, hold onto me,
Just
listen to my voice.
I
understand your thinking,
But you
must try to see;
My
suffering in Gethsemane …
That
was for you, not me.”
Sometimes I feel so alone. I feel like there is no one that understands the "unfairness" of my life...really knows what I'm going through. There are things in my heart much too difficult to share; I am too vulnerable and broken to risk the shattering of yet another hope or dream. But there is comfort in being reminded I am not alone when I watch for the hand of God in my life, and the footsteps of the Savior, the keeper of my heart, walking beside me.
