Some Words of Advice

"This work is going to be grueling. You're going to be overwhelmed and tempted to quit right from the very start", God said. "Don't be afraid. I won't leave your side. Take really good care of yourself...you have to be your own best friend. And pay attention. You can't become sloppy and careless with this kind of work". 

Deciding to take care of myself was hard. My whole life to that point had been spent sacrificing my own needs and wants to meet the needs and wants of other people, to prove I was "enough"...good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, competent enough, talented enough...That worked about as well as pouring water into a bottomless barrel, but I kept on as though another valiant attempt would be the one to make the difference. It never did. 

And don't be afraid? Fear might as well have been my middle name. I lived in fear. I was afraid of the unknown, afraid to say no or express my opinion; I was afraid of what other people thought, afraid of change and afraid to think for myself. Fear pretty much ruled my life. I had a "voice" but I rarely used it. I had a comfort zone and I rarely dared step outside of it's ridiculously "safe" boundaries. And, I worked hard to gain a reputation for kindness that guarded my deeply buried insecurities.

Pay attention. There have been harsh lessons in remembering that priceless piece of advice. It's so easy to coast, take a break, go into "auto pilot" mode...but that always ends in disaster. I have to stay focused, pace myself and consistently "check in" with God, who is the architect of my life's plan. He expects me to "stand up", "step up" and "show up" every single day. 

He's right. This is completely overwhelming. I can't do this, but He can and He's willing. And in the end, the benefit is all for me.