I was caught off guard when I looked up and saw God watching me, trembling as I sat silently slumped in a dark corner, wishing there was a rewind button in life. When I realized what I'd done, the stress and anxiety that resulted caused feelings of lightheadedness and nausea. My breathing had become shallow and rapid, and I felt as though I were going to pass out. He didn't say anything; He just sat silently observing, as I buried my face in my hands while hot tears coursed their way down my hot flushed cheeks. I hate making mistakes...any mistake, but the big ones, often the result of my own carelessness, are especially traumatizing. I know it's part of life, but I don't handle it well. I've never been one to break the rules or wander off of the "straight and narrow" path of obedience. I'm not perfect by any means, but my mistakes are rarely the result of blatent, intentional disobedience.
When the tears finally ran out, and my breathing returned to normal, I raised my weary head to see God smiling, and motioning for me to take a seat right next to Him. Knowing how much He loves me motivated me to do just that and I sat close, snuggling right into Him. As He wrapped His big strong arm around me, I let myself soak in the warmth and comfort of His embrace.
"It wasn't my fault. I don't know how it happened," I said. "I was so careful. I've done it a billion times and it's never turned out like this. I just don't get it." God pulled me into a tight hug as the tears began to spill again, completely out of my control. "I'm so sorry. It was an honest mistake. I didn't do it on purpose. I really don't understand what happened."
"You weren't as careful as you think you were," God said. "I can show you what went wrong. You're right, it was an honest mistake, but you were distracted...you weren't paying close enough attention to details that ultimately altered the outcome of your choice. Thankfully, this can be repaired, but it will take some time and a lot of work and patience on your part. It's human nature to want to find something or someone to blame, but deep introspection and a willingness to "hear" and accept the truth is necessary for the building of a noble and virtuous character. Acceptance of a seemingly harsh reality promotes deeper feelings of compassion toward others who make greater life altering choices which, though they often later come to regret, create in them feelings of unworthiness and self loathing; often these lead to the giving up of their will to try...or in some cases their will to live."
"Mistakes happen. But how you handle them, what you choose to learn from them ultimately will make or break you. Be at peace child...all is not lost."
