The Changing of The Guard

"Okay," I said as I hesitantly handed God my heart. "It's been shattered so many times...it's a little unsettling to just hand it over."
"I know," He said as He gently put His arm around me. "I understand your hesitation. I'm not asking you to walk away. You can stay right here beside me and we'll do this together. Were you listening when I said "love thy neighbor as thyself?"
"I do love my neighbors!" I replied in an exasperated tone. "All these years I've been delivering cookies, raking leaves, 'spreading sunshine', tending other people's children, befriending the friendless, writing notes of encouragement, visiting shut-ins, doing secret acts of service, preparing endless meals, washing mountains of laundry,  doing hours of grocery shopping, balancing budgets, sharing hugs and smiles by the dozen...Yes. I do believe I heard what you said."
God smiled as He quickly put His finger to my lips to quiet my impatient explanation. "As thyself, dear; I said 'love thy neighbor as thyself. In your haste to obey, you neglected an important aspect of that commandment."

He was right. I have never really loved myself. I didn't even know who I was. In 50+ years I had gone through the motions of life letting people and circumstances and trials and 'whatever' bounce me randomly through my journey of life, neglecting to pay attention to me. I was always in last place...by my own choosing; after all, my needs couldn't be nearly as important as those of the many individuals I had been "called to serve." So life went on day after day, week after week, year after year: not nearly enough sleep, no time for relaxing, "putting out fires", staying on schedule, accepting and completing every assignment, request and demand  that was placed on me...because saying no makes me a bad person/mom/wife/friend/daughter. I literally sacrificed myself. And in the end, there was no one to blame but me. I rationalized that it was all in the name of love, but it was actually all in the name of neglect. I had neglected to love the one who really needed it the most from me, in becoming a human door mat. I wouldn't expect such from anyone I dearly love. And God, never expected it from me.

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Matter to yourself. Cherish yourself. Because God loves you. God takes care of you. You matter to God. And you, my friend, are cherished deeply by God, who is, by no small miracle, your Father in Heaven.

When The Dust Finally Settles

"I never thought I'd be grateful for demolition", I said. "It seems like a strange thing to toss it into the blessing category. While I can't say I am grateful for the shock, the pain and the confusion I felt, I can say I'm grateful for the work I've done...for the experience as a whole. No one can look at me and see anything any different...except maybe bigger, blacker bags under my eyes and an increase in wrinkles and grey hair, but I feel so completely transformed on the inside. And it happened so subtly that the realization of it surprised me. The sorting and sifting has been so hard and taken so long, but I'm seeing a clearing that's growing more and more noticeable with each passing day. I see 'a light at the end of the tunnel' and it's not a freight train"! God stood silent, letting my words settle deep into my own heart. I think this was a moment He'd been patiently waiting for...not for His benefit, for He knew where this work was taking me; but for the peace He understood was mine to grab and hang on to, lest it be left unprotected and drowned by colossal waves of doubt and despair He knew would surely come. 

"You have worked hard my child", He said. "And there is no other way. No one can do this for you. You alone are responsible for the work, though you don't have to stand alone to do it. This is your stuff. It's accumulated over the course of your life. Some of it was needed when you were a youngster, but now needs to be discarded as it has become useless in your life as an adult."

"Some of it doesn't even belong to you...others have taken advantage and placed it on you, knowing full well that you wouldn't question. It's still theirs and it's time for you to let it go. You've put it down...now leave it with me."

"Some of it is messy leftovers someone else left on your path of life...you had no choice but to walk through it and it clung to you like sticky black tar, making your travel much more burdensome. Stay with me...I have the ability to remove that and make it easier for you to move ahead." 

"And some of it you've had to carry, the consequence of sins you've committed along the way. It's such unnecessary weight. You can leave that here with me as well. If you allow me to walk with you, I will gladly share your burden, and upon your request, daily take from you the things that are not necessary for you to carry."

So much love I feel from God...and I don't even have to earn it. He loves me because I am His child. Period. How can I feel anything but deep gratitude for such unconditional love, coming from the most powerful being in the universe, who chooses simply to be called Father. I am so blessed.

 Matthew 11:28-29

Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.  

Come…approach me, make yourself available, reach out for me, need me, extend your hand to reach for mine, confess your sins, humble yourself, repent!

All ye that labour and are heavy laden…loaded with physical, emotional, mental or spiritual burden

And I will give you rest…I will give you…not make you earn…rest… trust me…just lean all your weight on me and I will support you.

Take my yoke upon you....Humble yourself…I’m reaching out to you…be willing to accept me, my strength, my power, my help, my love

and Learn of me…read and study about me…follow me…stay with me, I’ll show you, I’ll help you

for I am meek and lowly of heart…I am gentle and humble, kind and loving, accepting, friendly

And ye shall find rest…comfort…peace…calm and quiet…strength and hope…freedom from trouble, anxiety, troubled thoughts/emotions

unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

*  Never let an earthly circumstance disable you spiritually. 

*  No matter the size of the issue, how we respond can reset the course of our life.

*  Don’t just endure…endure righteously

Matthew 11:28-29

How can I help you?

Impatience, anger and attitudes

Boiling in your heart and mind

Are clouding up your view.

How can I help you?

Distractions, haughtiness and pride

Build up a wall of stubbornness

To silence desperate cries.

How can I help you?

Discouragement, uncertainty and fear

Are choking out your will to thrive;

My voice you cannot hear.

I cannot help you…

Until I hear your desperate knock;

For I would never force a mule

To yoke up with an ox.

-Karla Claybrook

So THAT'S How He Does It

"It seems a little perplexing how many people stop by here", I said. "Some just come out of nowhere and hug me, then quietly move on. Others approach me because they've heard about my demolition and want to be sure I'm OK. Many keep coming back to offer assistance and a listening ear. Occasionally some come because they are curious and they stare; but not having any idea what to say, move on and leave me in a sort of 'screaming' silence. That's always a bit awkward, but it's better that way I suppose...I don't know what to say to them either. "Angels," God said, "except for the 'curious onlookers'...they have their own agenda".

It's true. There have been so many "angels" who have come my way...with a plate of cookies, help with a meal, a "box of sunshine", a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a comforting book to read...all offering love and support in their own unique way. I don't think they have any idea how deeply I've been affected by their small acts of kindness. But God knows. He surrounds us with those who willingly respond to His invitation to enlist in His "army of angels" with whom, through His perfect timing, His infinite love and understanding, He works miracles...seen or unseen, noticed or not...simply to bless the lives of His children in ways that only He can.

You Want Me to What?

Lessons From Heaven

“It’s scary to think about leaving…

To go where I can’t see your face.

How will I ever return," I asked

"If I can’t remember this place?”

“I’ll give you lessons from Heaven”,

He said with a smile in His eyes.

A sigh, then a look of confusion

Was all I could give in reply.

“Lessons to guide your return, child

To your home, this place you once knew;

Trials to help you grow stronger

Don’t worry…I’ll be there for you.

The lessons won’t be very easy

Your heart will be aching with pain;
Some will seem harder than others,

Though not one will you learn in vain".

“You can do it”, he said as he hugged me;

“I know what you’re capable of.

You’re right…you won’t see my face

But child, I will send you my love”.

There really are so. many. lessons. And they are hard. And they do make my heart ache. And sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. And I cry a lot of tears. But, somehow God knows what lessons I need and He knows my limits. I used to think I knew my limits, but I know now that's not so, because I wouldn't ever consider taking me to the unbelievably frightening places God chooses to take me. I am much too afraid. But He has perfect perspective...and He never leaves me alone. He always holds my hand, and calms my heart, and wipes my tears; and when we get through it, I am always amazed at the strength and stamina I've gained...proving time and again that I am as capable as God knows me to be. Amazing. God, who is the most powerful being in the universe, waits for me and walks with me...because He loves me and believes with all His heart that I'm worth fighting for.

Ode To Joy

Deep sigh. "This is getting a little easier," I said. "It's actually doing my heart good...especially on days that I see the simple little gifts you've left for me." God smiled such a warm and sincere smile that I felt a tiny tear trickle down my cheek as a feeling of gratitude began to overwhelm my heart.You are always on my mind...and in my heart," He said. "I never want you to forget how much you mean to me. I'm so happy that you've noticed them. They are so subtle that they would be easy to overlook; but they are magnificent in their ability to fill your heart with joy...if you will allow them to."

They seem such a small thing...those beautiful gifts from God, so common place, if you will, that they can often go unnoticed: bright crisp blue skies, fluffy marshmallow-soft clouds, brilliantly colored leaves gliding softly and effortlessly to "join the crowd" on the ground below, and sunrises and sunsets gloriously painted on the horizon; a thank you note in the mail, a phone call from a friend, the arms of a loved one felt wrapping gently around your neck and heart...all experienced at just the right moment could be seen as coincidence...unless you're looking to notice God's expressions of love for you.

Not too many days ago I watched a video someone had posted on face book that piqued my curiosity www.mostexcitingworld.com/videobest-coin-ever-spent/ It only lasted a few minutes, but it touched my heart and drew me to tears. As it ended, I felt such deep gratitude for the ability to hear beautiful music, view incredible paintings and photographs, read uplifting literature...the result of gifts and talents so generously bestowed by God to fill our lives with joy, and enhance the beauty of this journey we call life. And in the silence that followed, I heard God's kind and gentle voice. "For you dear daughter," He said, "because I love you."