Truth is Still Truth...Even if You Don't Want to Hear it

"Uh...no", I said as I walked away. "I'm just not willing to go there." And God stood quietly and watched until I disappeared out of sight.

There was no turning back as I wandered aimlessly down the road hoping He would forget what just happened. I was angry and embarrassed, and quite frankly I didn't want to have to face the cold hard truth. All of the emotion I was experiencing brought out the stubborn little girl I'd worked so hard to suppress all the days of my youth. She was showing up a little more frequently as of late; I began to be more and more accommodating to her each time she surfaced, while she fed my rationalization with the passion of a hungry lion chasing after its next prey. I didn't need God intervening on this one when I already had it figured out. And so, days turned into weeks while God knocked and I pretended not to hear.

But God is patient. Like swallowing a spoonful of distasteful medicine, bending my will to His, promises strength and healing for my soul. He has a way of peeling the pride from my heart; preparing me to humbly accept the truth of that which He knows I need to hear.

And one day, my freshly humbled heart willed me to open the door.

"This is difficult for you," God said knowingly as He gently placed His hands on my shoulders. "It is, however, an essential part of something you cannot now comprehend, because you cannot see the end from the beginning. Walk with me dear, and we'll work on this together."

I took a deep breath and smiled as He took my hand in His, acknowledging how grateful I was that He could see the end from the beginning. My life seems so complicated. But He continues to work miracles. And once again I feel the depth of His unconditional love.

A New "Dwelling"

"You just can't keep going there," God said as He watched my head sink heavily into my hands. "You can't  move forward if you're always looking behind you."

"It's hard, and complicated," I whispered, "walking away from what I never really had in search of something I don't yet understand."

"Of course it is, but you can do hard and complicated," He said with a wink as He sat down beside me in the warm sun-drenched grass. And I couldn't help but smile.

Sometimes we are called upon to do hard, complicated things. We stand at the crossroad and choose to do the hard thing, or side step and head off in the opposite direction. We choose to follow God's will, or ignore, pretending we know better or that we didn't hear. We choose to take a step forward into the dark, or turn and go back in the direction we came from. We give Him our heart and take His hand, or we run and hide in hopes that He will never find us. God knows better than I do what's best for me, but He will never force His will on me...It's a choice. It's ALWAYS a choice.

Hindsight

"Wow" I thought as I sat quietly contemplating. "I can't believe how far we've come."  We...God and me.

God pulled me a little closer and His smile grew a little wider. I didn't have to tell Him what I was thinking.

"I couldn't really even imagine this in the beginning. All I could see was the devastation; the brokenness all around me was suffocating. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide. But you wouldn't let me."

"Holes are for cowards" God said. "And I taught you better than that...because I love you."

Tears flowed freely as I thought about how true that statement was. God does love me, even when I don't feel deserving of His love. He loves me when I'm sad and weary, or feeling smothered by fear. He loves me when I'm too tired to pray, and when I've frittered away my time for doing things that really matter. He loves me when I'm broken, or prideful, or angry...He loves me always. Forever. No matter what.

"Thanks for that", I said as I leaned my head on His shoulder. I looked up at Him in time to see a tear roll softly down His cheek. And I knew that God knew, that I love Him too.