Jesus smiled, but it wasn't a snickering smile...it was so apparent He was concerned; He had come to sit beside me before I even called for Him. There's no question in my mind He really loves me.
"Just sit with it; Don't fight it dear...resisting will only increase your suffering."
"I don't know how to 'sit with it'," I said with a little more than a hint of sarcasm. "I feel like running. I can't breathe. It's overwhelming. The heaviness of it is crushing me and I feel my anxiety level climbing with bursting speed. This is the case every time I have something difficult to deal with. My thoughts and emotions race out of control. I can't stop thinking about what could have been or what should have been, and I fight with feelings of regret, disappointment, jealousy, anger and frustration, sadness, shame, loneliness and fear. What's wrong with me? When am I ever going to learn? Why does my life have to be so harsh? Why can't I get it right?"
His presence was as comforting as a warm soft blanket on a frosty winter night; I couldn't help but look up and notice the depth of understanding in His eyes. He sat quietly, offering no reply...seemingly unaffected by all of the sights and sounds around us that heavily assaulted my worry obsessed heart and mind. It didn't take long for me to realize He was showing me how to "sit with it".
"Life just seems to get the best of me," I said. "Sometimes the distress and anguish consume me; I feel as though I'm drowning in an ocean of despair. There seems to be no relief."
"Absorb the sights and sounds around you," I heard Him say "...simply take them in without labeling or focusing on them. Let them flow in, and then out as quickly as they came in. Feel the tightness in your chest, the churning in your stomach, the tears burning in your eyes, the tension in your throat; and give yourself permission to feel deeply the sadness, the anger, the loneliness and the fear...all of the emotions that are linked to those physical sensations. Be kind to yourself. The relief comes only when you show compassion, a deep awareness and sympathy for suffering. So many are willing to give compassion to others, but never consider it for themselves. Show compassion to your soul...Go with the pain. Allow yourself to become deeply aware of your inner core. Give yourself permission to hurt and plenty of time to heal...don't push away or resist what you're feeling, for resistance will surely intensify the suffering. It's hard and uncomfortable, but so worth it when the healing finally comes and you recognize the strength you've gained through such endurance.
