The Changing of The Guard

"Okay," I said as I hesitantly handed God my heart. "It's been shattered so many times...it's a little unsettling to just hand it over."
"I know," He said as He gently put His arm around me. "I understand your hesitation. I'm not asking you to walk away. You can stay right here beside me and we'll do this together. Were you listening when I said "love thy neighbor as thyself?"
"I do love my neighbors!" I replied in an exasperated tone. "All these years I've been delivering cookies, raking leaves, 'spreading sunshine', tending other people's children, befriending the friendless, writing notes of encouragement, visiting shut-ins, doing secret acts of service, preparing endless meals, washing mountains of laundry,  doing hours of grocery shopping, balancing budgets, sharing hugs and smiles by the dozen...Yes. I do believe I heard what you said."
God smiled as He quickly put His finger to my lips to quiet my impatient explanation. "As thyself, dear; I said 'love thy neighbor as thyself. In your haste to obey, you neglected an important aspect of that commandment."

He was right. I have never really loved myself. I didn't even know who I was. In 50+ years I had gone through the motions of life letting people and circumstances and trials and 'whatever' bounce me randomly through my journey of life, neglecting to pay attention to me. I was always in last place...by my own choosing; after all, my needs couldn't be nearly as important as those of the many individuals I had been "called to serve." So life went on day after day, week after week, year after year: not nearly enough sleep, no time for relaxing, "putting out fires", staying on schedule, accepting and completing every assignment, request and demand  that was placed on me...because saying no makes me a bad person/mom/wife/friend/daughter. I literally sacrificed myself. And in the end, there was no one to blame but me. I rationalized that it was all in the name of love, but it was actually all in the name of neglect. I had neglected to love the one who really needed it the most from me, in becoming a human door mat. I wouldn't expect such from anyone I dearly love. And God, never expected it from me.

Love thy neighbor as thyself. Love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Matter to yourself. Cherish yourself. Because God loves you. God takes care of you. You matter to God. And you, my friend, are cherished deeply by God, who is, by no small miracle, your Father in Heaven.