Voice Lessons

"I'm not so sure I know what to do with this stuff", I said. "Can't you just tell me? I'll do whatever you say." God put His arm around me and smiled. "It's not mine to decide", He said. "It's yours...no one can do it for you. You have to learn to use your voice; speak up and make your thoughts and feelings known". I stood there staring, my uneasiness growing with every passing minute while the familiar habit of procrastination began to slowly drape itself over my weary mind...and fear gripped my grieving, aching heart. I tumbled to the ground in a heap of self pity, wondering to myself why this had to happen to me.

Until recently, I've felt uncomfortable using my voice. My entire life I have sacrificed my opinions, my wants and my needs to make others happy, to gain approval, to prove my worth. I've been a die hard "people pleaser" and as often as possible, I've let just about everyone I've interacted with be the "boss of me". In some of my closest personal  relationships, I've let the other individual dictate how my time is to be spent, what I have to accomplish, even how long and hard I push myself; then I secretly feel resentment and quietly grumble to myself about how much I hate being at their mercy.

Life has been hard and pretty unpleasant for the most part, but I've let myself believe it's my lot in life and God expects me to handle it.

Now several months into this experience, I have a strong voice and I'm not afraid to use it. I am the "boss of me" and no one takes better care of me than I do. My opinions, my wants, and my needs matter very much to me, and making sure they are not neglected or ignored is essential to taking care of myself. I know in my head, and believe firmly in my heart, that I am a beloved, cherished daughter of God. And while He asks me to look out for and love my "neighbor", the other half of that commandment..."as thyself"...is not to be overlooked in finding balance and purpose in my life here on earth. How very grateful I am for hard experiences that provide some of my life's most beautiful lessons...and for God...who never ever misses an opportunity to teach me.